Today I am sitting as I have been for the last 4 years in one capacity or another in a classroom. For the last two years I have spent every other entire Saturday in class. It s draining tiring and overwhelming. So at break guess what we do? You guessed it....We Eat! During lunch break we go out to eat. I try and make healthy choices but don't always stay steadfast in my convictions. At some point during the day inevitably someone goes and gets candy and passes it around. "It's only a few pieces" I justify to myself. It's hard to keep up this type of schedule...working full time (at a job that is overwhelming at best) going to school full time and being a full time caregiver to three very very very dependant males, not including hours spent on research and homework for school and work. I also have a very active social life. I try very hard to maintain and foster my friendships which can be alot of work especially when many of my friends live far away. I reside in the armpit of the state SLOWCALA.
So as you can see this is a viable excuse for me to remain fat. I just don't want to put the time and energy it takes into dieting and maintaining a diet. Right? Surely all of you are agreeing with me on this! But is it really an excuse? Remember when I gave you a list of the reasons I was fat? This was not one of the reasons and yet it is a very huge piece of the fat ass puzzle.
I am consistently trying to find out why I stay in this fat cycle. At 43 you would think things would be getting a little clearer. My friend Angel who I have taken every single class with since I started this journey (and who has put on a few in the process too) says we can only do one thing great at a time. Since we are doing great in school and becoming successful in our careers, I thought maybe she was right. Then I got to really thinking about it and I do a lot of GREAT things. I'm a great wife, I'm a great mom, I'm a great friend, I'm a GREAT student and I think I am a pretty great teacher...so why can't I do this one thing? Then it hit me. Losing weight was not a goal that would get me love, get me rich or get me recognition. It would not help me reach my ultimate goal of being the first non partisan woman president who makes a journey to Mars all while hosting her #1 rated cooking show, staring in a comedy show with Justin Timberlake and publishing her third New York Times best selling book. I don't have to be thin to accomplish any of those things. It might make it easier or make me feel a little better but it is not a defining part of the process. Notice not one of my goals is to be a Super Model or the Hottest Cougar stripper this side of Texas. My life goals can all be accomplished with my big fat ass in tow. BUT I WANT TO BE THIN! That's a goal right?
I started thinking about Oprah. With all the money in the world, why can't she lose weight? She has people buy her food, prepare her food and monitor her food. She could hire someone to prechew her food if she felt like it and yet she is still fat. WHY? I know she has asked herself that a million times. I bet she has the top therapists in the world trying to figure it out. The answer seems pretty simple. SHE LIKES TO EAT!!! And eating food and being fat has not kept her from accomplishing any of her goals. Even though through much of her career it seemed like losing weight was her number one goal..it wasn't. Being famous was the driving force that pushed her towards a billion dollar empire. Now she can afford to eat any place in the world. Imagine that? Having enough money that if you wanted a crepe someone would fire up your private jet and before you could even lose the craving you'd be in Paris scarfing down a crepe from one of the world's top chefs. Damn right she's fat. She's not one of those stupid celebrities in Hollywood who stays all drugged up and thin. Oprah is brilliant and she knows money is power, power is life and life is food. It's the media and the public image that make her feel wrong about her size. If I had her kind of money I'd be as big as a house. Sorry I know I am supposed to be talking about losing weight in this blog but I have to be honest too. If I had all that money I die of an overdose alright... an overdose of FOOD!
So where does that leave me today? Still confused, still fat, but still committed to this journey I have set out to do.
Till Tomorrow,
Teresa
I have to disagree with you on this post. You can accomplish all of those things no matter what your size... but would you be your best self? Are you really living your life to the fullest if you can't walk up the hills in San Francisco or fit comfortably in a cafe chair in Paris or buy swanky clothes on your trip? Or if you have to buy two plane seats to even get there?
ReplyDeleteBeing fat and being brilliant are not mutually exclusive. You can be both. However, the limitations that you would experience are not worth it. That was my main motivation for weight loss. I want to be successful and happy without having to worry about my health. I couldn't bear to think of my shame if I started having health problems because I couldn't say no to a donut or a bowl of mac n cheese. And you know how much I LOVE mac n cheese!
Keep at it, sister! You are doing great!